Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
