Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
