i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you traded sex for a burrito?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
