shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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