I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
