I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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