Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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