i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
