I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
