My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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