He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize