why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize