Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
