she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
