i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
