You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
