btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
