you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
