I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
too bad you live with your parents still
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
