I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
