I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize