the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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