ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
