K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
