we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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