I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
