Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
