ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
