if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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