My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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