I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
