you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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