If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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