It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
