Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
