Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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