your parents love me but you hate me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
