Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize