dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
