i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
