I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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