If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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