Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
