I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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