Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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