Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
