You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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