the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
