i used baking grease as lip gloss
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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