I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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