Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
