I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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