i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
