Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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