____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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