i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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