party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
