After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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