I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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