2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize