Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
