it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
