Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
